Scriptography In Ennui

A pet peeve in WoW

2011-07-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I have a major pet peeve in WoW. In all my 6 years playing WoW, I have always tried to be self-reliant in gearing myself, or at least helping out fellow players/guildies when I can.

I know that this post I am about to write is probably going to get me into trouble, or it might be just seen as me kicking a fuss about nothing important. But really, I personally think it is of SOME importance at least, and I feel the need to talk about it.

Now, let's start from the beginning.

Ever since the release of Patch 4.2 Rage of the Firelands, the essential mat known as Volatile Fire has gone down drastically in price in the AH.

I remember, pre-4.2, Volatile Fire was a hard-to-get mat that cost anywhere in the range of 14gold to 45gold per unit (if it was more, please let me know, dear readers). Fishing in the lava pools was the only sure guarantee of getting Fire, killing fire mobs just wasn't worth the time and effort due to the insanely low drop rate. As a result of this, I actually made quite a bit of gold from just fishing in the lava pools during off-peak hours (since during peak hours it would be difficult, with many other players doing the same) and selling them on AH for 14gold - 19gold a unit.

Post-4.2, Volatile Fire dropped in value. I can only say that this is probably because of the sudden increase in drop rate from fire mobs in Molten Front as well as some of the dailies mobs in Mount Hyjal. I found myself accumulating more and more of Fire, even though I don't need it anymore at the moment, with 3-4 units of Fire dropping from mobs either in Molten Front or Hyjal while doing my dailies. Don't ask me why, it just happens, and at the end of the day I have at least 8-10 units of Volatile Fire that I have no use for yet, and cannot sell because they are now going for at least 7gold-11gold per unit. I make more gold from doing dailies alone.

Now fast forward to my pet peeve.

Last week a fellow guildie (and also a real life friend) provoked the little peeve in me by asking in guild chat if anyone knew where to get Volatile Fire. He said he needed it for crafting. So a few of us volunteered information; I told him he could simply kill mobs in Molten Front or Twilight Highlands, although Molten Front might have a higher drop rate. Or better yet, he could simply just fish in the lava pools in Twilight Highlands, near the Bastion of Twilight. This option was repeatedly encouraged by other fellow guildies, since they've done the same too.

However, it soon became a facepalm situation when needy guildie's reply to the last (and best) option was that he didn't have fishing. I knew I had a stash of Fire in my Bank, so I offered him 10 units of mine. I offered 10 because he said he needed 10 to craft gear for himself. In the meantime, I suggested he take up fishing, level up a little bit (you don't need high level fishing to fish in the lava pools), then get his Fire that way. A regular supply, with 1-4 units everytime you fish from a node. I also suggested buying from AH, since at the time it was selling for 10g per unit in AH, totalling at 100g for 10 pieces, he could make more than that from just doing dailies alone.

It soon became obvious though, that he was not willing to buy them off AH, nor was he willing to pick up fishing to get them in the easiest possible way.

However, the shit really hit the fan when he mentioned that he was planning to craft 5 pieces of that gear, 1 for him to wear, and 4 for him to sell on AH. That was when my peeve FINALLY kicked in, in full gear. I had initially thought to send him all of my stash of Fire, but after revealing his plans, I changed my mind and only sent him just enough for his own gear.

I don't mind helping guildmates out, if they want to craft items for their own use, helping them with mats or maybe even gold if they are really in dire need. But I simply CANNOT handle it when my generosity is being taken advantage of. If you need gold, farm for it, or ask a guildie for a loan.

Everyone puts in a lot of time to painstakingly get their own mats so that they can gear themselves, help a guildie gear up, or sell on AH. To want to take shortcuts and expect people to help you is really taking it a bit too far, especially after having been given easier solutions to your problem. But that's just my opinion.

Don't get me wrong, the guildmate in question is a great guy IRL, a fun friend, so this ugly side of him came as a big surprise to me. I never expected him to be so lazy and presumptuous.

I just hope that he's only like this in-game, and not in RL.

The xx

2011-02-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I decided to give this band known as The xx another spin. 2 Fridays ago I heard the DJ at Home Club play one of their numbers (I think it was "Basic Space"). I actually first got to know about them when they opened for Florence & The Machine in February 2010. Didn't know anything about them before then, but when they opened with "Intro", I suddenly felt like I was getting high on their aural emissions. Same feeling I had when I first watched Mogwai performing in Singapore in 2006. The feeling that let's you drift in your seat, actually chilling out with your feet on your chair, with not a care in the world.

Now, while there are 2 vocalists in The xx, I'd have to say that the voice of Romy Madley Croft steals the moment everytime. She reminds me of the female lead vocalist, Tracey Thorn, from Everything But The Girl - beautiful vocals, low, smooth and rhythmic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-u9ezLmjBSs&feature=related

The guitar riffs sent me back to the time when Chris Isaak first burst into the scene with his number "Wicked Game" - a time when when I fell in love with the drifting, lush sounds of the weeping guitar on top of a high hilltop down to the world where people are standing around listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oaHHrNQVrg

Interestingly enough, for both songs, the bass guitar plays a big role, almost leading the beats, with the drums and guitar as accompaniments.

All right, that's it for now.

Woweee Zowee

2011-02-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

I finally caved in a week after the release of Blizzard's Wow:Cataclysm expansion. I don't know why - even though the answer is obvious. I love WoW, especially now that so much has changed since Cataclysm's release. Rubin is back with a renewed interest in the game, after 1.5 years of retirement from the game. I love the fact that they've made levelling from level 1 to 60 so much easier, made quests so much easier to complete, and cut down on downtime when it comes to travelling ingame (e.g. some quests that require you to travel a distance to complete your objective actually provide you with a quick transport to the location of your objective, comes in handy, especially if you're below level 20 and don't have a mount yet).

Talent trees are more straightforward now, and therefore easier to manipulate when calculating damage and stats potential.

While they've had this even before Cataclysm was released, cross-realm interaction has also greatly improved a game. Whether I'm playing DPS or heals or tanking, my average wait time for a dungeon group is an average of 10-15 mins. Shorter wait time for heals and tank (as usual), a bit longer for DPS.

At this point I have 4 active major characters on different servers, and I've attached some screenshots here:

My favourite of the 4 - a one-man army primarily because druids can tank, heal and dps. (especially now with dual specialisation, I can now choose to take a break from tanking/dps in dungeons and switch to restoration for healing). It also helps that Exotramp is in an LGBTQ guild with lots of experienced players.

I love this girl!

My second favourite, Destro/Demon warlock Feydra. I've come a long way with this one - and often found solace in playing her, especially during a bad breakup in 2009. I also learnt raiding skills through Feydra.

As a DPS class, warlocks are the easiest to play, - and since hunters have recently been badly nerfed - it leaves warlocks in high demand, partly because of pet capabilities and partly because of other perks such as the ability to summon players into a dungeon by calling up a portal (I suspect this is why I got invited to raids so often.)

I haven't got the heart to transfer Feydra to another realm - the guild that Feydra resides in is run by a gay couple living in Sydney (both paladins, protection and holy).

Right now, this little guy is my all time favourite - since the release of Cataclysm, I've tried several different classes for the goblin race, and finally decided on a priest. For specialisation, he is a discipline priest, after some research I found that going discipline provides for good dps as well as good healing.

He was christened Viacheslav by a close friend, but in humour, my friends and I also know him as the Russian Vagina.

And now, last, but not least, the last of my 4 major characters. She was first known as Caillech in Thaurissan, but when my guild disbanded and everyone went their separate ways, I had her transferred to Frostmourne, and renamed her Unutjob.

The mage, I feel, is the most difficult dps class to play - but once you know what you are doing, it can be easy to become overpowered like the warlock. At the moment Blizzard has created a pet for frost mages, which helps a lot, considering we tend to be so squishy sometimes. Back when I first started playing WoW in 2005, my second character was a human mage but I never got used to the difficulty of playing a mage.

I will be transferring Unutjob to Barthilas, for practical reasons, while I level up the Russian Vagina.

So you must be thinking, after all this, am I falling into the stereotype of the avid WoW player? The one with practically no life, no love and no ambitions? I have to say that in my case, it is quite the contrary. I have time for WoW, but real life is bigger than the world of warcraft. So while I have so many epic-geared high level characters (OK, OK so Russian Vagina is still struggling to get there), I still go out and smell the roses, have drinks with my friends, and work, work, work.

Dem Bones...

2011-01-12T17:57:00.000-08:00

Last week during lunch break I popped into Borders next door and bought Alice Sebold's famous novel "The Lovely Bones". I'd watched the movie, without sound, during a transit flight between Melbourne and Perth. My headset was dodgy, and the Qantas staff didn't seem to want to replace it, so I sat back and contented myself with just a little lip reading and the visuals, which reminded me a little bit of the movie The Fountain, and quite coincidentally also starred Rachel Weisz.

Obviously the book gave me more insight, and with the visuals from the movie still fresh in my head, I could flesh out the characters easily. I was disappointed with the ending in the movie, where the protagonist's murderer gets away and dies in the end (apologies if you haven't seen this movie yet) without ever having to face the music. But when you think about it, isn't that how life is, really? I am sure that, in this big, bad, world, people disappear everyday, body and soul. And nobody can find out where they disappeared to or why. Nobody knows if they're dead or alive.

I have been thinking about my friend Stephanie all this time while reading the book. Wondering if she was watching me then, if she is watching me now. Still grieving, but not so much as before, and if the book is true to its words, she is in her own version of Heaven now, sipping on a glass of margarita, with lit cigarette in one hand, and laughing as me as I trudge through this life, my comedy of errors.

Welcome back, Miss Pessimist

2011-01-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes I know, I know.It's been almost 2 years since I've last written here - so much has happened since my last entry though, mostly an emotional rollercoaster ride that I prefer not to put up on this blog. The emotions are meant for my other blog, which I have closed for the time being.

3 weeks ago I almost had a free ticket to preview this movie but never got around to it since my friend Vernon said the movie distributors suddenly decided not to bring the movie to cinemas here. I was so excited about watching the movie version of Freakonomics (which I remember V introducing me to it in 2007) that I almost peed my pants. I kid you not. It is such a pity though - clearly the media authorities here don't think Singaporeans are smart enough to grasp the concepts laid out by Levitt and Dubner.

This was the same case with "Where the Wild Things Are" which was also supposed to be released in cinemas here last year but got scrapped by distributors because, they claimed, it wasn't the sort of film that could rake in the Singapore dollar by the millions. And why wouldn't it be able to do that? Because it was considered too "deep" and/or complex for Singaporeans in general.

Caught a musical with a good friend yesterday afternoon and then we had some beers after at Harry's Bar at the Esplanade. As usual, I required a smoking table, but just as we were about to sit, little droplets of rain started to fall - we were sitting at an unsheltered table. Well the good friend suggested I have one cigarette since the rain wasn't at all heavy, and while we sat in the slight drizzle, drinking our beer and cider (mixed in with a little rainwater I suppose) and catching up, that very scenario reminded me of Ian McKellen and and Brendan Frasier in the movie Gods & Monsters, when James Whale (McKellen) says to Clay (Frasier) just before running into the rain,"We are not made of sugar, we won't melt!"

Oh bugger.

Be aware, be very aware...

2009-04-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

So this morning on my way to work, I was nursing a horrible toothache and a headache, as well as trying my best to work out how to meet a deadline at work. And then I get an sms from the ostentatious Mr Vernon, telling me that they've thrown in the towel. At first, I was like, "Huh? Who?" in my haze of painkillers and burdensome tooth/headache. But then slowly it sunk into my pained head, what Vernon was actually talking about.

Yes, I am talking about the (now famous) AWARE saga.

In fact, just last night,a friend mentioned to me that someone had told her something about locks being changed and the new AWARE exco wanting to hold the EGM somewhere else to accomodate all 800+ AWARE members this May (2nd May 2009, to be specific). But because I did not yet know about today's news and also because I was in too much pain to care, we both decided that those were just rumours and to keep it at that.

Until they appeared in the papers today.

Still my reaction was somewhat laissez-faire (the torturous pain of a toothache was more important to me at the time) and when I called Vernon to discuss the latest updates in the news on AWARE, I could still feel the burn out.

And then something life changing happened. My mother called. (Dun dun dunnnnnnnn).

Now, just for the record, throughout the whole AWARE saga these last few weeks, my mother has shown very little support for trying to get AWARE back. If she had any support, it was mostly things said on the side of pessimism and disillusionment. A career woman for most of her life (she started working at the age of 17), she has been a member of some women's organisations, in particular, the IBWA (Internation Business Women's Association), which disbanded after many years (rumour has it internal strife was the cause of the breakup). But she has never joined AWARE. It never occurred to her to join organisations for the sake of joining them. She always did it either for her business or if she was sure she could make a change with them. Joining groups like AWARE meant she'd have to devote time to helping people, and how to when she hardly has time to help herself?

Now, back to when my mother called.

I was quite taken by surprise by her call - she called to ask me how she could join AWARE. Out of caution, I asked her why she wanted to join AWARE. And she said she read the papers today and was appalled at what was going on. Staff members getting locked out and fired from their jobs without explanation? Unconscionable!!

Showdown at AWARE Office

But the thing that really stoked my mother's fire was the interview between the straits times and Thio Su Mien, the "Puppet Mistress" - the key player behind the takeover in AWARE.

Coup Leader Comes Open

My mother was disgusted by her blatant arrogance (which explains the thick-skinned tactics of the 9 new Exco members), as well as the fact that she was directly connected with the current president of AWARE, Josie Lau and Dr Alan Chin.

My mum smelled something funny there, and decided that these people had to be stopped.

And it is to her credit that I'm still in this ride.

Roads

2009-02-10T17:30:00.000-08:00

So I really should be writing about the Ani DiFranco concert I went to last night - but I still haven't quite gotten down from cloud 9 yet about that one, so I've decided to do a little bit about the next best thing - masters of trip-hop, Portishead.

Formed in 1991 in Bristol, England, Portishead changed the way people listened to the trip-hop/drum and bass genre. They pioneered a sound that made people sit up and think, "So this is how it should be. This is how it has to be. This is how it will be." Since Portishead's growing presence in the music industry, I do not know of any current groups that come anywhere close to Portishead's sound or anyone who could do anything equally original and not end up being criticised for sounding "too much like Portishead". Well, maybe Tricky and Massive Attack could give Portishead a run for their money, but all 3 names are big names in the music industry now, and all 3 names churn out sounds that have their own uniqueness, and ultimately, their trademark.

I hesitate though, to introduce people to Portishead. I've heard alot of feedback about how depressing and debilitating they sound, the whole package being like a downward spiral journey from an acid high. But like beauty, music is to the ears of the beholder. You either hate Portishead or love them. Some people love that downward spiral journey, some don't - it really depends on how the listener wants to get off.

So how do you want to get off?

Good People

2007-11-10T21:25:00.000-08:00

11 November 2007

I caught the 3pm matinee of the Haresh Sharma/Alvin Tan play "Good People"yesterday with a friend at the Necessary Stage's Black Box and I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I have to admit that the main reason why I had initially intended to watch the play was to see how they were going to portray the addiction of one of the characters to marijuana (it is common knowledge that marijuana is not addictive, unlike hard drugs like heroin and LSD).

Good People is basically a play about issues - issues within relationships (and relating to people), religion, and the basic philosophies of life and death.

Just to give you a full view of the synopsis, here it is:

"Set in a hospice, Good People is about the ups and downs of the relationships between 3 people. Miguel is the new Medical Director trying to run a tight ship. Yati is a jaded nurse making the best of a ‘dead-end’ job. And Radha is the terminally-ill patient who is addicted to marijuana to relieve her pain.

As the three get to know each other, complications arise. If Radha get caught, will she be given the death penalty when she has only a few months to live?

Moving, humorous and evocative, Good People looks at urgent contemporary issues through the test of personal relationships."

I really enjoyed the chemistry between the 3 actors, there was that emotional/spiritual connection there that made the whole point of the play make more sense to me. Or maybe I was just projecting? (For those of you who know me personally, you will understand what this means.)

I could not understand why someone, at the end of the play and during the Q&A session, commented that the play was darkly depressing. No doubt there were moments during the play where it did get darkly morbid, but there were also moments where the terminally ill character Radha would make positive comments about looking at the brighter side of life. Or how she rationalises cancer -

"Cancer is a karmic disease. Before you go, the cancer burns off the karma of your past lives. So that you can move on with a clean slate...finally obtain moksha...be liberated. Isn't that wonderful?"

It made so much sense to me when I heard that. Radha also made other positive statements, as if trying to convince the other two characters not to make too much of a fuss over her. Or, if you look at it from another perspective that she might possibly have, trying to convince herself that everything will be all right.

Good People gets the thumbs up from me. =)

Note : For those people whom I have been able to titillate enough with this review for them to want to watch it for themselves, you may have to wait for a restaging of Good people, as today, 11 November, is the last day.

Happily ever after

2007-11-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

31 July 2007

"There is no such thing as a 'happily ever after'".

Everyone has a right to be happy, nobody deserves to be miserable and deprived, but that does not mean that everything we say and do will end up with a happily ever after.

I got to meet some interesting people over the last weekend, one of whom I speak to on MSN off and on, so it was good to put a face to an MSN identity.

I sometimes wonder how some people can be so judgemental about things that they don't or don't want to understand, and yet sometimes i see how some people can be so ambiguous and dodgy that I can't help it but reach into my own ignorance of a situation.

Ignorance is bliss, they say, until you get pushed off the cliff, I say.

In transition

2007-11-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

11 July 2007

It's been a while, yes it has. I've been busy sorting out stuff at work, getting ready to leave on August 30.

I am having mixed feelings right now. I want to leave, but then again i don't?

But work was a very different place before 2006. Lately, there's been a strange undercurrent of tension in the physical environment. People have stopped trusting one another, and we have a spy running around trying to cop a glance at our screens to catch us not working, so that she can run to our Operations Manager with her info and perhaps get a doggie biscuit or two (or a reward of a pay rise in future) for her info.

So, I've been offered a chance to go anywhere in the world to recuperate after i quit my job. I've got two places in mind.
1) Amsterdam
2) Mykonos

If I wanted to go to both places, I'd have to top up what I'm getting to go to either 1) or 2).

I probably have to do a bit of budgeting before I can make a sound decision.

Next up is the Cure concert on August 01. Never imagined that they would want to come to Singapore, but apparently they are. I'm pretty psyched up to watch them. Am not saying that I was a big fan of theirs - but I'd say I grew up listening to them, my favourite being "A Letter to Elise".

Sterility

2007-11-05T19:15:00.000-08:00

8 May 2007

Met up with some acquaintances on Sunday for beer and milo dinosaur. It's been awhile since I've caught up with them. The dynamics have changed in our little group. I could feel it, and I wonder if they could too.

Maybe I've got a lot on my mind, maybe I think too much, maybe I'm just tired of these shackles, that bind me to the mundaneness of everything....but I found myself really not so noisy on Sunday. They talked about filters, well my filters are dirty now and I really can't be bothered to clean them out.

But it was good to be doing something different on a Sunday - not so much the discussion on feelings - but more a case of just hanging out with friends, no expectations, no pressure, just us and food.

Darren leaves for Perth for good on 9th June. I think I am going to miss him, But then again he has been absent from my life for 1.5 years, steeped up in his depression of not being able to leave Singapore. Not being able to get out of this prison we were born into. There are people who will tell me things like "You don't know what you're saying, Singapore is a great place to live in! Free of crime, clean, orderly.."

Sterile. Too sterile - to the point that the truth about how things really are get swept under a great big rug so that anybody who wasn't born here wouldn't see things the way they really are. I reckon you have to be born here to see it, to be inside looking out.

But hey, where else in the world is it any better? Right now I'm happy here in my own little world, with my music and my pc and books.

Rationals

2007-11-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

28 August 2006

So I did an online personality test today, and this was the result.

RATIONAL

Rationals are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.

In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.

Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.

Rationals are very scarce, comprising as little as 5 to 10 percent of the population. But because of their drive to unlock the secrets of nature, and to develop new technologies, they have done much to shape our world.

LOL...it does sound alot like the truth...but I'm skeptical...

Was talking to a friend online today, and got introduced to this awesome artist, who, as made obvious by the name of her blog, loves to draw.

Check out some of her sketches and drawings in her blog. I like her usage of metaphorical imagery, and the colours...
http://www.krislikestodraw.blogspot.com/

Sufjan Stevens

2007-11-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

11 August 2006

My mum believed he could be Cat Stevens' son. I swore he was the best thing since David Gates and Bob Dylan.

He is Sufjan Stevens, a minimalist American folk musician from Michigan, USA. And I don't think he's Cat Stevens' son. Though the name Sufjan does have an ethnic charm to it.

A friend sent me track from the Weeds soundtrack, called "All the trees of the field will clap their hands". I thought I'd heard it from Weeds before. Bittersweet, sterile. Beautiful.

Anyway, I went snooping around for more of his tracks, and came across one song that struck me like a soft slap on the face. If you've read my previous blog entries, you'll know I wrote one entry about about the child murderer Kevin Underwood, and how his blog seemed so ordinary, so much like my own and that of every other person I know who has a blog. And how I mused about how different we are from such so-called "monsters", yet strangely, almost the same in a lot of ways, at least in Kevin Underwood's case (don't get me wrong, I am not condoning what he did, I was just using him as an example of how fragile the human spirit can be).

So, here's that Sufjan Stevens song I've fallen in love with.

His father was a drinker and his mother cried in bed
Folding John Wayne's T-shirts
When the swingset hit his head
The neighbors they adored him
For his humor and his conversation

Look underneath the house there
Find the few living things
Rotting fast in their sleep of the dead
Twenty-seven people, even more
They were boys with their cars, summer jobs

Oh my God Are you one of them?

He dressed up like a clown for them
With his face paint white and red
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all

He'd kill ten thousand people with a sleight of his hand
Running far, running fast to the dead
He took off all their clothes for them
He put a cloth on their lips
Quiet hands, quiet kiss On the mouth

And in my best behavior I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid.....

- "John Wayne Gacy Jr.", Sufjan Stevens -

Hair for Hope 2006

2007-11-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

17 July 2006

About 3 weeks ago I saw this poster by the Children's Cancer Foundation asking for participants willing to lose all the hair on their heads for a cause. Since I have actually shaved my head a couple of times before, I thought that this would be an interesting event to take part in (seeing how I'm not very daunted about going around bald). On saturday I went for a briefing for participants of the Hair For Hope 2006 event.

Anyway, I've set up my online pledge card.

http://www.ccf.org.sg/hfh/online/pledge.php?shavee=xsksvsrkll5nolelk9ut9tibbgofzt4c

Hopefully there will be friends there to support me - and I'm not talking monetarily speaking - my follicles come off on 30th July 2006 at 1.45pm at the Suntec City Fountain of Wealth.

See you all there, if I see any of you at all.

Note : Thought I might as well put up an old photo of myself when I first went bald back in 1999.

Meals & Agendas

2007-11-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

4 July 2006

So on Sunday, after a 4-year hiatus, I got to cook a whole meal (main dish and a side dish of salad). It felt good to be cooking again - was tiring (I was sweating like a rutting hog in the kitchen) but I liked the outcome (even though I had to force myself to eat my own food). However, I don't know when I'll do it again - admittedly, it IS damned tiring and sweaty, but it takes time and some amount of concentration (which explains why I kep chasing Phosphorus out of the kitchen despite her wanting to help and/or watch me cook many many times).

Saturday night MK didn't show up for our meeting at the studio, which was pretty disappointing since we were all looking to him for good sound advice on the film (the script which, btw, I finished some time last week.weeeeeeee!). So yeah, he didn't show. And what made Saturday night more unbearable was the fact that Rubidium and his fucking immature friends (except for J, who had more sensibility to act more mature) kept going on and on about how England was going to beat Portugal's ass in their World Cup match against each other that night - a match which, everybody should know by now, England lost.

Anyway, here's a link to a site I've been visiting quite a bit lately. This professional blogger/gamer is a dead ringer for Lynda Carter in her Wonderwoman days and sometimes her stuff makes for really interesting (and often hilarious) reading. Just a tip though, if you're not into gaming, i suggest you don't read her blog (unless you're curious about whether or not she really looks like a young Lynda Carter). Here's the link:

http://blogs.ign.com/Jess-IGN/

Latte

2007-11-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

28 June 2006

Just made a whoop ass latte for marijn. It's the least I can do since he taught me how to use the office's overpriced coffee machine

I'm also proud to say that I'm finally done with my script. 80 pages for now, but with more additions and subtractions to come. Meeting Rubin and Jay tonight to scan through the script with them.

If I ever have kids, and while I'm in labour, I'll remember this feeling of having created something from nothing, then I'm sure the labour pains won't be so bad...hahahah...it's moments like this that make life worth living, despite all the mundaneness and deprivation.

"and when I'm swimming through this tunnel, I shut my eyes.."

With time I've come to realise that I'm not as impulsive as I used to be. In the past I would rush headlong "into a wall" just to get somewhere, but nowadays, I prefer not to, and instead sit back and enjoy the scenery throughout the journey instead of rushing through it.

I guess I missed out on a lot of things when I was busy rushing.

Just a note : I've recently discovered that one of my favourite all-time all-girl bands, Sleater-Kinney, has finally called it a day and gone on an indefinite hiatus.

My heart sank when I read that piece of news in their official website http://www.sleater-kinney.com/

You will be missed, ladies.

Moving on (and out)

2007-11-05T18:51:00.000-08:00

25 May 2006

So ok, I've been sick the last 2 days..it was bound to happen, especially after lengthy exposure to Rubin's persistent coughing and Lynette's fever/cough over the last few days before I finally succumbed. Bah...but it was a welcome change from routine work and stuff.

The film script is almost done, and definitely I will be finished by this weekend.

Mum is heading for Perth for a few days over the weekend...how nice. Wish I could go..but then again maybe not, seeing how I'm so involved in my current workload and the film project.

Went for the usual marking/writing session with Chlorine on Tuesday arvo. Not much I can say about that except I had some tasty seafood fetuccini for lunch, and then Chlorine persuaded me to help her finish her Club Sandwich. The afternoon sun was lovely, not too hot, not too cold. I guess that helped with my writing. That, and listening to Chlorine's stories.

Just finished reading Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse 5". There was one paragraph that caught my attention, and it was between the main character's friend, Rosewater, and a psychiatrist who was counselling him.

" I think you guys are going to have to come up with a lot of wonderful new lies, or people aren't going to want to go on living."

It's interesting, because I have always thought that what we carry out and live through in our lives these days are truths that started out as lies that were perpetually repeated so that eventually, those listening would eventually take these lies as the truth.

"If a lie is told often enough in the end it will become the truth."

Just my thoughts.

I just started cleaning up my room today. Started with the little things. Then on to the bigger things, eventually I will be able to rearrange my furniture.

I am one step closer to moving out (in a few months).

Geez, this blog entry is getting lame.

Prozac Generation

2007-11-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

3 May 2006

It's been awhile since i've written in my blog. Something has been going on in my mind for awhile that today it made me decide i might actually have something worthwhile writing on my blog for once.

For a week or so I've been reading the blog of this guy who allegedly tortured, raped and murdered a 10-year-old girl with the intent of eating her down in Purcell, Oklahoma, in the US of A. Now you must be wondering "What the fuck are you doing reading the blog of that fucking monster?" Well yes, a monster he has definitely become, but after reading his blog entries from as far back as 2002, I doubt he was a monster back then. When I read through his entries, I began to realise his entries were just like any other blogs I've read before, including mine. This guy was seemingly so ordinary, he couldve been anyone I know.

The thing that got to me was how he must've snapped after being dumped by this girl he'd been pursuing for 8 years. When he finally got the chance to be with her, she threw it back in his face and told him how they should just "be friends" instead. And how he felt at the time - after years and years of being told by girls that they saw him as more of a friend, sometimes even considered him "one of the girls", and then expect him to take it lightly.

But, as he so eloquently put it, it fucking HURTS.

His subsequent sense of apathy to his surroundings (even picking up a piece of paper on the floor became a chore for him) over the next few months leading to the murder didn't surprise me. That was the point where he was slowly becoming the monster he is today.

Don't get me wrong, I am not condoning what he did. I am just saying, this guy has gone through what alot of people I know, myself included, have gone through. The only difference is, he SNAPPED. That's the part that scares me the most, and that was the thing that made me think about what I've been going through lately and WHY i should be thankful for alot of things.

I am thankful for my (still intact) and sometimes supportive family.
I am thankful for the few damned honest friends that I have to date.
I am thankful for the family members and close friends who died over the last 7 years, leaving me a legacy to work on in MY life.
I am thankful for the people who have helped me realise that there are better ways to put my overactive imagination to use, rather than being depressed all the time.
I am thankful for my job.

And lastly, but definitely NOT the least, I am thankful that I had the willpower to overcome and survive the obstacles of my Prozac Generation.

SNAGS

2007-11-05T18:42:00.000-08:00

10 April 2006

Saw something in a magazine today about SNAGs (Sensitive New Age Guys).

I have a version - SNADs (Sensitive New Age Dykes).

Seriously, I think both are a hoax. At least in the case of SNAGs. SNADs, on the other hands, do exist, but exist on a different plane from regular people, and are called by a different name. They're called WITCHES.

I just don't buy all this "oh-I'm-sensitive-cos-I-cry-alot" or "oh-look-at-me-I'm-buying-aromatherapy-shit" from guys. Guys will be guys, no matter how sensitive they are, or how much they cry or want to kill themselves. There are only two reasons a person is sensitive, either in order to get what he/she wants, OR, cos he/she is just a weak little gimp who can't accept that life is the way it is. BAD. Get used to it! PFfft!

Now, people who don't show their sensitive sides so easily - gimme that ANY day. Someone who keeps his/her soft underbelly hidden from the world for fear of unnecessary injury (and only eventually showing it to those who matter) is a much more honorable person in my books than someone who constantly flashes his/her underbelly, whining constantly about how it needs to be stroked regularly.

Personally, for me, I have my moments. When I get really bothered and upset by stuff. Especially if it's things beyond my control. But I try to talk about it to close friends, and eventually I get it out of my system. Or I write about it. Or I do other stuff. The point is, deal with it. Or move on, if you can't. Don't go around telling others that you're the "Walking Wounded" like we're supposed to pander to your whims just cos you can't take a joke.

I have my double standards however. If a girl were to be such a SNAD or SNAGirl, I'd readily pander to her (depending on how high up my Buddy list she's on - the higher the more willing I am). But not a guy. My belief is, if men want to run the world, then they'd better clean up their act and start behaving like He-Men rather than emotional retards.

Diasymbolic Symmetry

2007-11-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

18 February 2006

Something happened to a friend of mine, and I'd only just found out last Sunday.Apparently it had been going on for some time, and she'd only just decided to tell me. Her initial thought was that if she'd told me, that I would hate her, and what she had allowed to happen. I was angry at first when she told me, but I rationalised, and she is an innocent, trapped in her own Hell because she wanted something so much, she'd given up her innocence and her self-respect just to have it (read: Faust). And now, she is paying the price for it, just as I had, just as I am right now.

i still recall the taste of my tears,

echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears

my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore

scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore.

Two days ago I was thinking about it again, and then came up with the subject title of this blog entry.

Diasymbolic Symmetry.

Diabolic symbolic symmetry - two perfect halves of good and evil. There can never be evil without good, and vice versa. I chose "diabolic" because of the context of the situation, how you initially see something good, but as time passes and as it turns out, the result is diabolical. My friend made a choice, because she wanted the good, she tolerated the bad. But she found out that what she had thought was good, really just turned out to be a bad egg.

Well at least she knows the truth now, and she can put a stop to it before it completely takes her over.

As for me, I am still in the dark, still left wondering, so many questions that cut into the heart of the matter, yet the answers are not clear. My hell is the darkness that covers me now, the questions that taunt me.

back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now

this is slowly take me apart

grey would be the color if i had a heart

i just want something i can never have

in this place it seems like such a same

though it all looks different now, i know it's still the same

everywhere i look you're all i see

just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.

Someone asked me the other day why I was upset. I could not tell her why then, but I will say it now - my friend's personal hell has become a reflection of what I have become. The glaring truths that I chose to ignore out of sheer intense love, the pain I put myself through just to have what I can never have. To want something so badly, I would live in hell just to have it. To have given up my self-respect and pride for something that isn't worth it at all. That's what I was upset about.

My diasymbolic symmetry.

Growing Old Gratefully

2007-11-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

2 January 2006

Hmm...2006 is here and yet - it doesn't feel much different. I went over to Saz place for the countdown - we had a little alcohol, but alot of fun just talking and chilling out on his balcony, with tea candles around us. The most touching moment was when we did our toast (orange juice/Absolut Peach) and I reckon Eezam made the best toast, "For those we lost and those we found in 2005."

How true is that? Of the group of us two nights ago, only 4 of us (there were 9 of us there that night) were from the original batch that celebrated NYE in 2004. We all agreed that it was pointless making resolutions (meant to be broken). So we decided to have goals. Realistic goals. Mine was to do more travelling.

Anyway, I guess what I really mean to say is - looking back on 2005, it wasn't as bad as 2004 - though I had a lot of challenges and obstacles to overcome in 2005. I did manage to come through (it felt like getting lost in a maze and you don't know whether to turn left or right.).

I am grateful for the things that happened in 2005, very little love was lost, and I guess now I am ready to grow old gratefully.

Many thanks to all you who gave my life more meaning and opened it up a little bit more in 2005.

The Morning After

2007-11-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

16 November 2005

I like writing in this blog - especially when i have a surge of ideas and emotions that just need to be told. But recent events as well as some light discussion with a friend on blogging these days has made me realise a few things:-
1.I'm really wasting my effort just writing about my opinions and emotions here- time for more constructive stuff like reviews and interesting things happening around me (like the day I saw a cowboy hat on top of a VW Beetle on my way to work..)
2.Too many people are blogging these days - not enough people are writing down their thoughts on paper - even 'zines have become electronic - its just all too easy, and slowly becoming passe for me.
3.Alot of bloggers seem more like ego masturbators - they put up an opinion and hope someone will leave a comment that will agree with them so they can go out and say "See? 4 people agree with what I say!"(ok ok I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here by saying this, but what the hell!!)
4.Blogs cause alot of strife, especially if a person is not careful with what he/she says in them. Sometimes there are the occasional readers who will use the contents of blogs to add weight to their distorted sense of reality.

I could very well say I no longer feel like blogging (for the above reasons), but like every good literary athlete, I need my practice, and blogging is one good way of doing so.

Oh crap...I have to work in the morning.. will have a movie review ready by Monday (though I still have yet to do one on "Saving Face".).

Until then - (.)

Killer Boats

2007-11-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

7 November 2005

Last Saturday I did the spontaneous thing and went on a day fishing trip to the same kelong we went to in April. I needed to get away, even if only for a day, just for a breather and to get some ideas for writing.

During the journey I had the opportunity to review a cd by a group I had only just read about in this month's Maxim. At first I was skeptical about them, but after a few turns of the CD, I'm starting to like The Kills more and more. If you like PJ Harvey, you will definitely love The Kills - right now all I can say is they're a cross between PJ Harvey and the White Stripes. But then again, The Kills do have their own style - heavy on the distortion and drums, but in their own way.

Here's some tracks I'd recommend from their latest album,"No Wow."
1) I hate the way you love
2) Sweet Cloud
3) Restaurant Blouse
4) At the back of the shell

Apart from sampling The Kills, I also made a new friend during the trip, had a lot more fun this time around and caught alot more fish too :)

It started to rain during the later part of the afternoon, and there was a real heavy storm with threats of tidal waves - despite all this, I thought the scene was really beautiful. I've always loved rainy days - those are like moments of cleansing for me.

But just sitting there and watching the rain fall into the sea, and the crashing waves that seemed to get bigger then smaller every now and then...I don't think tidal waves bothered me much - only thing I worried about was not being able to fish enough cos of the storm. Still, I enjoyed every minute of the trip..

Dedication

2007-11-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

13 September 2005

"Hot coffee, hot black coffee. Burns my tongue, can't speak for a few minutes, can't say much except hell I should have waited. Waited, waiting, wait, ah hell, whatever for? I got too much to do, too much to see, as my world closes in I am breaking out, hell it's time again I left everybody behind and did my own stuff. Flying on my dark wings, build my own castles in the air, out of white clouds, dark clouds, clouds with silver linings, ah who the hell would care? Mornings I look myself in the eyes and see someone else trying to live each day, trying to love even though it's not wanted. Tried, trying, try, whatever for? Hope kills life and life kills love. One day I will be living in my own castle, my castle in the air, as I build on each hope that fades, and each love that dies."

Flying© Copyright Property of Antoinette Yzelman, September 2005

Just a piece of what I've started writing - I don't know if it makes much sense to anyone at all.

And before I forget, this piece is dedicated to one of my best and oldest friends, Stephanie, who knows me like the back of her hand. She sent me this picture of her posing with a colleague because she thought she looked better in this one...

What is a soulmate?

2007-11-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

20 July 2005

A friend of mine lamented today that she may never get to meet her soulmate. It got me thinking - what exactly is a soulmate? Is it someone you can share your innermost secrets and fears without fear of betrayal? Someone you can trust to do the right thing for your own good and not always for his/her good? Someone who is a friend as well as a lover? What is a soulmate?

If I had a soulmate (which right now, I doubt I do) I think my soulmate would be a friend as well as a lover (though not necessarily so) - someone who knows exactly what I'm thinking even before I can talk about it. Someone who doesn't need me around and yet strangely enough does need me around.

I feel sorry for my friend - partly because I think she's looking too hard around her, partly because I know the truth about soulmates. Just like the love of one's life, soulmates don't appear when you want them to. They often appear when you least expect them, and sometimes they turn out to be the unlikeliest of people. They could be standing right infront of you - or they could be separated from you by several oceans. The trick is to not look.

It'll come when you are ready for it.

Eromanic

2007-11-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

9 July 2005

Last night was awesome!! I went for my audition and we played some of the originals written by Trevor and Derek. "Being me" is so sticky it seems like even riotgrrl music can't override it in my head. That is a good song, and even if I don't get to continue playing with the guys after July 31st, I'd still encourage Trevor to write more stuff like "Being Me".

I had supper with Rubin, Raphael and the beautiful Sophia Natasha last night - well, we hung out in Rubin's crib until we managed to drag Sophia down to Mas Ayu.

The whole time though, all I wanted to do was sing. My fingers were itchy and I kept playing imaginary bass with the song "Entertain" in my head (of course Being Me was lurking somewhere in the back of my head as well). There were so many sexual innuendos flying back and forth last night in the group, I was really surprised when I didn't really join in and played the passive listener with nary a passion for a witty word or two. The only thing I did was ogle this hottie who was seated 4 tables away from us, and even when she left eventually, I didn't really do or think much else except music.

Eromanic - a word I came across in Sophia's blog - which basically means someone who is obsessed with the idea of being in love. A year ago Eromanic would have described me perfectly, but in and out of the yellow brick road has taught me a few things - that love isn't enough. Plus also that I have all the love I really need right now from friends and family. I understood that everything has to start from the Self, and I have learned to stop looking for love outside of myself. Which reminds me of a famous saying:
"Before you can really love someone else, you have to learn to love yourSELF."

Meeting Neil Gaiman

2007-11-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

8 July 2005

Ok so here's my take on what happened on Wednesday. I got to Borders at around 7pm, roamed around there for about 15 minutes while waiting for Wayne to arrive. I had no idea where Paul was and I didnt have his number. At 7.15 we officially started queueing up for Neil's signature. I WAS excited, but tried to look cool and calm about it. Here's what the queue looked like:

The back and front of the queue.

After 3.5 hours of queueing, we finally got to the front - but only after they'd cut down the number of books per person to be signed from 3 to 1. So I had to choose. Ugh..

I have to add that the Borders staff were very rude - and what made the rudeness more unacceptable was that they were all smiles about it (sadistic bastards!!). They rushed us through, and unless you're some hot chick in a spaghetti strap top who wanted a short chat with Neil, you'd find yourself being told to fuck off (in the most polite way possible, and not in those exact words either) by the staff. Dan didn't even have time to take a proper picture of me getting my book signed.

All in all though, the experience was good. Meeting Neil has given me a renewed sense of wanting to write again..

2007-11-04T21:35:00.000-08:00

29 June 2005

It's 1.55am Thursday morning and I'm finally getting ready for bed. By chance earlier I switched to Starmovies and managed to catch the beginning of Prozac Nation. I'd actually already read the book 2-3 times over the last 3 years, but this was the first time I was getting to watch the movie.

The movie clarified alot of things that I couldn't understand in the book, and on hindsight, I realise how many similarities I share with Elizabeth Wurtzel.The reasons for writing, all the anger, the unhappiness, the inability to see beyond the pain - and all the time trying hard to focus everyday on how to be contented with the things and people around me. To just be.

At some point (which is also mentioned in the book) Elizabeth says how she wished sometimes that an angel would come down and help her see the beautiful side of life worth living, as the angel in "Its a Wonderful Life" helped Jimmy Stewart when he was at a point of contemplating suicide. And all I could think then was that Elizabeth Wurtzel had lived the life I'm living now.

Batman's Beginnings

2007-11-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

29 June 2005

HOKAY - now finally, my review on Batman Begins..

It was an interesting movie, a prequel to the first Batman movie that starred Michael Keaton as Batman. I realised why Christian Bale was picked to play Batman this time.
1)Because he's HOT
2)Because he's got this mysterious edge - I probably think so because I've seen him in American Psycho (another good movie).
3)In the Batsuit, he had some similarities to Michael Keaton (the cut of their jawlines has a similarity.)

I loved the way the story was told - the deconstruction of Bruce Wayne and the creation of the Dark Knight was explained by the major traumas in his life - sort of like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, but in a less negative way. Very nice. I'd watch it again.

Something I found pretty hilarious happened after the movie (OK I'm digressing here, I'm SORRY). I'd gone to watch BB with a friend that night. Towards the end of the movie, just after Katie Holmes appears in a clingy satin top, my friend casually said out loud that she could see Katie Holmes tits through the blouse. OMG! haha...ok..some of you may not find this funny, but I did :)

And finally,I came across this pretty good anti-propaganda flash animation at
at HazardousVideo.com. The background music is a particular favourite of mine, "Counting Sheep" by A Perfect Circle.

Take a peek and tell me what you think.

The Dresden Dolls

2007-11-04T21:25:00.000-08:00

24 June 2005

Thanks to a friend, I have made a new discovery on the musical front. I'd heard of the Dresden Dolls before, but back then they only seemed like a typical goth rock band (a la Miranda Sex Garden). But today, out of curiosity and with lack of anything better to do, I downloaded a sample track by the Dresden Dolls, and I was hooked. Their goth/rock opera sound was a welcome change from the usual mainstream sounds I keep stumbling on nowadays.

http://www.dresdendolls.com/

"Half Jack" was the track that hooked me, and I vowed that for my CD of the month next month, I'll be buying a Dresden Dolls album. :)

Goodbye to the Yellow Brick Road

2007-11-04T21:20:00.000-08:00

23 June 2005

So this morning I sent a friend an SMS that was my thought for the moment-

"I think the only time we will ever be truly at peace and have unparalleled happiness is on the day we die.."

Morbid, yes I know. Pessimistic even - but the reality is there. Think about it; we came into this world alone and out of darkness, and we must also leave this world alone and back into darkness.

Anyway yeah, not a very good thought process for the start of a new day.

Back to the real world now.

Big bad boy D.Rubin will be dragged kicking and screaming into National Service on the 25 of this month. He's probably also going to do a little disappearing act on us all for awhile, he needs to do some real artwork. Mind you, this was something that I'd wanted to do a couple of months ago, but decided against it for fear of hurting some people. But i need to WRITE, goddammit!!!And everyone is so distracting!

Big Bad Boy Rubin

We won't miss the fact that you will be sweating your balls off in Tekong, but we will miss you and your sense of SICK humour, plus your truckload of patience for us idiots.

New Beginning

2007-11-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

23 May 2005

So its been years since I've kept a blog. The last time was about 6 years ago when I had a deadjournal account..then I started to have a life and got bored with having to update my blog every now and then.

Now that my social life has become almost nil again, I'm back to square one. ..well, not exactly. But call it a new beginning.

After all, everything in life goes in circles...